UNTITLED CHAD DARNELL PROJECT

Waiting

I want to believe things are on the upswing.

My friend Jesse pointed out there are millions of people who would kill to be in my shoes right now.  And when I stepped back and thought about everything that IS happening, it's wonderful.  It's just the WAITING and the NOT KNOWING.  And not making any money off the waiting and not knowing.

When the boys called me on Friday to tell me about the deal, I think my mind was reeling from what the studio wanted to change that I didn't get excited about the fact the project was still alive.  And I have NOT been able to shut my brain off since that conversation. 

In a presentation like this, you do "boards" with potential cast members.  We had potentially Kathy Bates, Laura Dern and Allison Janney.  (This is down from where I started with a cast of all senior citizens.)  We have to go even younger now with two of the roles and make one of them not white.

This is probably the only time in my life I've ever used algebra.  If Kathy Bates goes into this role and so and so is black and 40 years old... how can a 20something white girl be the butcher?  OR if Queen Latifah goes into the "ditzy" role (minus the ditz), how much do you add so that the 20something white girl can play girly?

The whole thing is about to give me a seizure.  These small changes have really changed the entire story.

I'm talking my mind NEVER shuts off.  I went to see WAR, INC. last night with Shannon and Catie, and for the first half of the movie I was thinking Lily Taylor (who was in a coming attraction) would be fantastic as "Sissy," but she's not black and NOW we really want Katee Sackhoff for "Delores" (but then we have to change the name, because Sackhoff does not look like a "Delores")...  Seriously, I can't tell you what WAR, INC was about.  I think I stopped thinking about the script when Hilary Duff dropped the scorpion down her pants.

(By the way... The Landmark on Pico is now my new favorite movie theater.)

Now couple the fact I can't shut my head off with the "AM I DOING THE RIDE OR NOT" squawking in my head every five seconds.

But it is now official:  I will not be doing the ride from San Francisco.  HOWEVER, I will be going up late Friday to Ventura, stay over night and ride in on the last day.  So at least I get to experience a little of it.

I did have a great night at Here Lounge, which was a party for SEX AND THE CITY.  I normally hate those things, but I had really great people around me.  I even think I talked Brian Nolan into doing the Honolulu Marathon with me.  (Oh, that's official too... I'm doing the Honolulu Marathon.  Which sound be a piece of cake compared to bike training!)

And we're still waiting (I'm always waiting it seems) on the staff job.

And wouldn't you know Monday is holiday!?  So I won't get any answers for DAYS.

But I guess I just have to keep plugging.  And hope something breaks soon.

Good News and Bad News

The good news is the pilot is getting an "if-come" contract.  Here is what the WGA defines "if-come" as:

"IF-COME" DEALS

An exception to the option requirement described above is the "if-come" deal, applicable only to television motion pictures (Article 13.B.1.a.). The rule provides that money need not be paid to the writer for the period during which the Company is actively seeking licensee interest or other financing. The writer's deal must be fully negotiated, so that in the event the Company's efforts are successful (the "if" part), the writer will have his/her deal already in place (the "come" part"), and be attached to the project. As the consideration provided by the Company for the "if-come" is the Company's active efforts, specific time periods cannot, logically, apply; if the Company's efforts have ended after four weeks, for example, the Company has no further rights thereafter, unless there are further negotiations.

Similarly, the Company may not engage in development during the "if-come" time frame, and writers (including the "if-come" writer) may not be employed. The Company has only the right to obtain financing or to generate network interest during this time.

They loved the idea (even though it scares them) but it was really the enthusiasm of my producers that kept it alive.  In other words: I'm not getting paid till the network buys it.  We have to go back in and re-pitch with an even younger cast in some of the roles (I've gone from senior citizens to 20somethings...) and the production company even wants to shoot a short trailer for it.  So there is a lot of work that has to happen in the next few weeks.

The bad news: it looks like I'm not going to be able to do the AIDS LifeCycle!  One of my producers is going to do a show in New York in two weeks and I need to be around to work on the revised pitch.  (AND I still may end up on that staff job.)

This has been the hardest decision I've had to make in a long, long, long time.  I've trained so hard and so many people donated... however, the money still goes to a very worthy cause and I DID train for nearly six months.  AND I still may end up doing it... but as of right now, the answer is no.  I may even try to find a way up the route and finish with everyone on the last day.  Everything is still up in the air.  And it makes me sick to my stomach to think about.  ALL that training and no ride.  It kills me.

85 Miles

Let's start with the fact it was supposed to have been 65 miles.

We met in the West Hollywood Park.  Then shot out through Culver City, down the beach, through Manhattan, Redondo and Hermosa - up and all over Palos Verdes and back.

I'm still not sure how we made 85 miles out of this trip - other than the fact it was all hills in Palos Verdes.

My thinking whenever I'm on one of those unending hills is "eventually we're going to hit the sun."  They seem to never end.  I can't imagine living SIX MILES above sea level over a beach.  But the roads wind up and up and up and around and around and around.

The one thing I REALLY don't understand is why I'm the only person out of a group of say a dozen (in a pack) that seems to scream and curse like a child with turrets.  (I, however, more than make up for the rest of the group.)

I want to start my own training ride called "The Pancake."  Meaning: flat as a.  And at the end of the ride, we eat pancakes.

I kept asking over and over and over again (expecting to get a different answer), "so this ride today is actually harder than a day on the ride, right?"  And they all said yes.  So you might ask (as I did for 85 miles) why in the name of God and all that is holy, are we making it so hard on ourselves TODAY!?

It's just about impact training I guess.  The harder the training ride, the easier the ride.

Now.  Back to how we managed to add 20 extra miles to our ride.

The Training Ride Coordinator, (who shall remain nameless, but sounds a lot like JR BILLINGS) created a route that was 80 miles.  And rather than correct his oopsie, just decided to let it fly.  (85 miles with two rest stops no less.  TWO.  Did I mention the ride took nearly 10 hours?)

He also left off roads.  Lefts were supposed to be rights.  Etc.  So I added five extra miles.

I also realized I left my phone behind.  I remember having it in my hand when I was taking the bike off the rack, so I couldn't remember if I sat it on top of the car (which is the same color as my phone) or in my jacket pocket which was IN the car.   And for 85 miles I kept picturing some twink in the Pacific Design Center hearing the beep from missed call and seeing it on the top of my car and saying, "oh look!  Free phone!"

Fortunately, it was IN my car.  And no one called.

After I got home and showered it was 640 and I was supposed to be back in Manhattan Beach for Marlena's birthday extravaganza.  It was like A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET when I sat down to eat dinner.  "Don't fall asleep... don't fall asleep... don't fall asleep..."

I stayed for about an hour.  Great conversations.  Came home (sitting in traffic at 11PM through downtown LA and wanted to cry because it would-not-move!) but not before stopping for a pint of coffee ice cream.  I figured I HAD TO eat it, otherwise all those burned calories were going to waste!

So I feel asleep with a pint of coffee ice cream in my lap.  Watching BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. 

Thank You

Thank you so much to Ea Johnson-Stevens, David Kane, David Daskal and Marci Levine for their donations!  I'm all good on my goal.  (And also to Pamela Nutt and she who shall not be named for Bowling for Angels.)

For some reason, I thought I had posted that I had surpassed my goal, but I can't find that entry anywhere!  So again, thank you to everyone who donated for me.  You really can never know how much I appreciate it.  Just know that it's because of your support that is what is getting me through this thing.

If for some reason, you are sitting there and saying to yourself, but I really wanted to donate to Chad and just never got around to it... then donate to Meg Sligar instead.  Meg has not reached her goal.  (It all goes to help the same people.)

CLICK HERE TO DONATE TO MEG

I'm feeling a little better about this whole thing.  I would be lying if I didn't say I question every day WHY did I sign up for this.  As I've said a hundred times, this is the hardest thing I've ever done.  And frankly, I don't really need any new challenges in my life right now.  I'm good.

I signed up for it after watching the second episode of the series on LOGO (which you can also buy and download on iTunes.  Just search AIDS LifeCyle.)

Upfronts are next week in New York.  The networks will reveal the Fall line-up.  Staffing season is underway and will continue after upfronts.

In a perfect world, I'll get staffed and be able to do the ride.  (Reporting to work after June 7th.)  If I get staffed on show that starts before the ride, I won't be able to do the ride.  Which would really suck.  It's hard to tell how quickly they will staff.  But it IS like feeding time in a shark cage right now in LA.

AND...

If anyone wants to do the AIDS Marathon in the fall, my dearest friend Ryan Greene is going to be the coach for Honolulu and Amsterdam.

Gotta say, after training for this thing, a marathon feels like a walk in the park.

17 + <65 Miles

Y'all, I look like I have been beat with an ugly stick.

I did the Griffith Park ride yesterday which was 17 miles.  It was easy and I love the route because we stay in the park.  My back ached from the spin class from hell the day before, but I HAVE TO start doing back to back rides.

I woke up several times this morning before 630AM in time to get ready.  Each time I woke up, I was wide awake and rested so getting out of bed wasn't that hard.

Got dressed and got into the park.  This ride was "Climb Every Mountain."  Stupidly, in my mind I assumed this meant like "climb every mountain" in the inspiration sense.  Like, "you can climb every mountain." 

It didn't dawn on me the ride meant literally CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN.

Darren and I got separated just outside the park.  I stayed with the fast pack as we weaved our way through Los Feliz, Glendale, and up Chevy Chase into La Canada.  That climb is a bitch.  I would be lying if I said I didn't scream bad words very loudly the entire way.  But I was all by myself at this point, so no one could hear me.

When I made it to the top, I met Marla and we came out and down near the Rose Bowl.  We sped around Pasadena, past many of the locations we shot CELEBRITY REHAB (which never aired) and I got us lost.

See there are two (2) Grand Ave.  And I took us five miles out of the way.  Once we realized our mistake we went back around and I almost got us lost again.  Eventually we made it to our first stop and a jalapeno cheese bagel has never tasted better.

Darren and I met up and took off through Pasadena, eventually making our way back to Chevy Chase to climb again.  The mileage on the sheet was off so that scared us, thinking we were supposed to have turned left when it said right - but eventually two miles later we found the turn on the sheet that was allegedly 2/10 of a mile.

At which point my chain came off.

Scared the crap out of me, because it had never happened before and Darren and I were all by ourselves.  But I actually fixed it all by myself.

We climbed up Lida, which nearly made me cry.  Then we had to climb back up Chevy Chase.  Again, I screamed and cursed and asked myself why in the hell did I sign up for this.

We finally had lunch in La Canada and then made our way back home.

At which point I learned my sunscreen didn't work.

My thighs look worse.

Any recommendations for burns?

One Month to Go

A month from today I will hopefully still be alive and fast asleep inside of a tent, celebrating the fact that the first day of the Lifecycle is done. 

With six more to go.

Tonight I took a spin class at Gold's.  Not sure why.  I had planned to go to the free Easton's class.  Then Lisa sent me a message she was doing one at Bally's.  But nay.  I decided to opt for the class I would spend six bucks to take.

With a Nazi from hell.

I can honestly say, beyond the shadow of any doubt, I have now had the WORST spin instructor EVER.  Ever ever.

And I've had some doozies.  There was the guy who got us lost on his "trip," and I wanted to lead a class mutiny  (little did I know he would end up being one of my favorites).  There was "Bob," the Asian man who tried to kill me.  Of course Tori at Easton's, who likes to increase the pressure on your bike.

You may know him.  A few seasons ago he was on THE AMAZING RACE.  His name is Adam and at the time he was in a relationship with Rebecca (who is now pretending to not be a lesbian anymore on WORK OUT.)  All the other couples hated them.  They called them "the little ones." (Because they are both the size of hobbits.  Really fit hobbits.)  He had those two little devil horn braids on the top of his head.  He cried a lot.

Let me explain some spin physics for you.  A body that is five feet tall can bend over a seat one inch off the seat at 90 degrees and hover just above the handle bars.  I mean, their legs are shorter and thus, sticking your ass back just sort of is a resting position.

It is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT for body that is six feet and two inches to do this maneuver.  FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF.

There were no intervals.  No slower then faster.  It was ALL hunched, ass back, chest down fast for AN HOUR AND A HALF.  AND THE CLASS IS AN HOUR LONG.

And I hated his music.

But the real reason?  This little frakker YELLED at ME the entire class.  "You!  You're right in front of me dude!  Are you teaching the class or me?!  LEFT, RIGHT!  NO!  LEFT, RIGHT!  COME ON! (for those that don't know, it really doesn't make a damn bit of difference if you are on your left or right because you are SPINNING.  Besides you little elf, is it MY left or YOUR left!?)

It didn't end there.  He was constantly screaming for my ass to get back and for me to go lower.  You've seen pictures of my bike.  THERE IS A REASON it's a hybrid.

He screamed at me because of my hand placement.  My head placement.  I was looking down.  OH and we weren't allowed to drink water until he said so.  Repeat.  We weren't allowed to DRINK WATER until he said so.

He's a punk ass little bitch boy.

I wanted to punch this gnome clear across Santa Monica Blvd.  I just walked out of the class when it was over and he condescendingly squawked, "BYE!?  BYE!?  Hello!?  BYE!"

I turned around and flipped him off.  With both hands.  And my ass back.

Life Without Cake

It was Zen's birthday tonight.  We all gathered at the Belmont.  There was cake.  And then there was another cake.  And my stomach is so confused right now between the mix of carrot and chocolate I think I'm going to burst.  Or puke.

So a month from today, I'm going to be on Virgin plane heading to San Francisco to do this bike ride thing.  Darren called me tonight and we agreed we HAVE TO do all the rides from here on out.  It's a decision I made a few weeks ago.  I only have a month and then it's over.

This is seriously the hardest thing I've ever done.  Hands down.  I think I could train to run 100 miles easier than I could train to do this bike ride.  I've listed my reasons a thousand times before, but it is hands down the most dangerous thing I've ever done.  Every time I go out, I at some point nearly get hit by a car.

And it's starting to sink in:  SEVEN DAYS.  My ass is going to be sitting on a tiny little seat for SEVEN DAYS.  I can't even remember what I was doing a week ago.

The training rides are excruciating.  When I did theatre, I hated rehearsals.  When I was training for the marathon, I hated the weekend runs.  This is no different.  I hate the training.  Hate it.  Hate it.  Hate it.

And it's expensive!  The bike, the clothes, the tubes...

Every single person I've talked to has said, "it will change your life."  "It will be the best thing you've ever done."  Blah, blah, blah.  I sure hope so.  Otherwise, look for my body off the coast, somewhere between San Francisco and LA in a month.

Starting tomorrow I'm going to go hardcore with training.  I've taken a few weeks off from seriously working out, just going to the gym a few times a week.  But starting tomorrow, I'm really going to give myself a month of heavy conditioning.

And no sugar.  (No processed sugar.)  All organic food.

I'm tempted to take before and after pictures.

I had two really great meetings today.  That's about all I can say.

Still no word on THE TELLING.

Something's gotta break soon.  And hopefully it's not me.

<20 Miles

So when we last left off the AIDS Lifecycle training, I was having a meltdown, threatening to toss my bike into the ocean and went back into a coma for about ten hours.

Brendan Patrick heads up a "happy hour" bike ride every Friday, so I decided to ride with him today.  I was supposed to do the 71 mile ride Saturday, BUT I had somewhere to be Friday night (more on that later) and I knew I wouldn't be getting home before 3AM.

I had e-mailed Brendan and told him about the tire and he told me to "calm down, we'll fix it."

He took one look at it and said, "oh.  The valve is broken."  I wouldn't have known what a broken valve looked like, so guess who had to change their first tire today?

It took five people to help me change it, because the tire is new and big and other official bike words were being thrown around, but it finally got changed.

The next drama was discovering that we didn't reset my brakes, so I had no brakes. 

Anyways, we finally finished a brief ride around Griffith Park.

It was our old AIDS Marathon training route from the first year (when we were still allowed to train in the park entirely and not have to run through Burbank). We stayed inside (so we didn't have to deal with traffic) and then went down the "L.A. River" Bike Path.

Since I originally had planned to ride Saturday, I had to cancel plans with Zen for Friday night. However, having completed the ride on Friday afternoon, I called her to see if she still wanted to go out. She did.

And we went to see Tiffany. Tiffany was performing at The Factory in West Hollywood. (Which is like going to a really attractive preschool.) Tiffany went on at 1 AM. (Zen and I realized we were old around 11.) Tiffany performed some of her new songs, which are great and she's bowling on the ANGEL MAFIA team on Sunday.

Temporary Insanity

It finally happened this morning at 6:50 AM in a parking lot off of Ocean Park in front of the beach.

I snapped.

Cracked.

Whatever you want to call it.

Everyone knows I'm not a morning person.  Getting up at 5 AM to drive to Santa Monica to then sit my ass on a bike for nearly 10 hours, 80 miles wasn't exactly a highlight of the week I've been looking forward to.

I'm tired of the cold.  I'm tired of the heat.  I'm tired of preparing for the cold and getting the heat.  I'm tired of preparing for heat and freezing to death.  I'm tired of sweating.  I'm tired of doing nothing but going up hills.  SLOWLY.  And then learning there is another hill.  Only bigger.  Then another one.  And another one.  And another one.  I'm tired of being tired when I'm done.  I'm tired of seeing the same damned road.  All I'm doing is one big giant loop.  I may go twenty miles out, but by the time I'm done, I'm going to be right back where I started.

And while I was trying to pump up my tire with a new pump I bought last night, I lost it.  I lost all the air out of my tire first, then I lost my mind.  I sat there for nearly twenty minutes trying to pump this damned tire and it wasn't having it.

That's right.  Couldn't pump a tire.  Not hard, right?  Fairly simple thing to do.

People in their little bike storm trooper uniforms watched me in my frustration and did nothing about it.  No one offered to help.  And why should they?  It's LA.  No one is supposed to offer to help anyone.  That's crazy talk.  I'm working on a new horror/ thriller and just last night I was writing a scene like this.  One of those situations I find terrifying - you need help and yet everyone sits around and watches, doing nothing. 

Sure I could have asked for help, but at this point in the game, I just didn't even care anymore.  Besides, all they are going to do is chastise me for not knowing what I'm doing and how they had to swoop in to save me.

I've been asking for help.  I've tried to be thankful.  I've done everything a good little boy should do.  And this morning, on my hands and knees in a cold parking lot, I watched this stupid allegory for my life:  I keep pumping and pumping and there is no air in my tire.  What's the point?  It's no use.  It feels like I'm going no where fast.

I wanted to pick up my bike and toss it into the Pacific Ocean.  (Came really close to doing that too, but I figured some hippie would have me arrested for polluting the ocean or endangering the dolphins).  Instead I just strangled and shook it.

So I did what no one expected.  I put the bike on the rack and left.  All those people who sat there watching me were surprised.  "Where are you going?"  Home, asshole.  Home.  I'm going home.  I don't want to do this anymore.  Besides, what do you care?

And it wasn't just frustration with the Lifecycle... next Sunday is Bowling for Angels and once again I was asked to head up the celebrity team.  Marcellas decided not to do it this year, so I was left to find everyone myself.  The only celebs I have are Jon, Dylan Vox and Tiffany (who comes by way of Jesse Daly).  Some of my people are out of town.  All the other "celebs" I contacted (and I use that word generously) couldn't be bothered.  Or said they would and never signed up (I'm looking at you J P Calderon and Wilson Cruz).  I have a week to find a few more.

I screamed the entire way home.  Beat my steering wheel.  I wanted to cry, but I couldn't even do that.  Halfway home I considered buying a bottle of vodka and a straw.  But this past Wednesday marked a year since I had an alcohol and I figured I had enough problems as it is.  Besides, I can't afford rehab right now.

So I decided I'd just buy a pack of cigarettes.  But then I thought about the smell, the fact I'll get sick, it's hard to breathe and makes running difficult and makes my skin look ghastly.  Plus it's been so long since I had a cigarette, why break my record just because I'm having a nervous breakdown.

So I settled on ice cream.  But in the end, decided I didn't even want that, because I'd have to work off the calories.  No booze.  No smokes.  No Ben & Jerry's.  Hopeless.

I got home and started writing.  Wrote for an hour and realized I've lost my mind, so I went to bed. 

I woke up about eight hours later.  I thought I had only dozed off for an hour.  I even had to check to make sure it was still Saturday, for fear I my body and mind and totally shut me down.

I guess I was just tired.  It's really exhausting pretending everything is okay.

It wasn't about the bike, but it was.  It's about so much more.

If one more person calls me, IMs me, texts me or e-mails me, "heard anything yet?" I'm going to put a bullet in my skull.  (My manager has probably said the same of me.  "If he calls, IMS, or e-mails me one more time to see if I've heard anything...!")

I feel much better now.  As soon as I got up, I had breakfast (again), got dressed and went to see FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL.  (In hindsight, probably not the most appropriate movie for me to pick, but I laughed a lot.)

I'm grateful to have all the meetings in the coming days - and to be pitching LIBERTY this week with a company that completely supports me.  And THE TELLING may even find a buyer.

I just temporarily lost my mind.  I'll be okay.  I'm feeling better. 

But whatever you do, don't tell me to hang in there.

This Weekend

Meg got snowed in, so I think I should support her and not ride this weekend.  (There is a 40 mile ride tomorrow - but the premiere is tomorrow night and usually a long ride knocks me out for the rest of the day and Sunday is a 72 mile ride and... well, I don't really want to go to bed that early.)

I haven't decided on Sunday yet, but it's not looking good.  The following weekend is an 80 mile ride.  I feel totally strong.  I just need to spend more time in "the seat."  Needless to say, I think my ass will be glued to the seat in May.

So I already have EIGHT meetings set with people who passed on THE TELLING.  EIGHT.  All huge producers.  My mind has been sufficiently blown all day. 

The weekend is going to be big for me.  One producer (a huge producer in the "horror" genre world) has his entire company reading the script and one production company, headed by a huge Hollywood actor (he had a project with a lot of "Passion") stepped into the ring late afternoon.

Monday morning, my manager starts fielding offers.

I'm really, really, really hoping the movie PROM NIGHT does HUGE  box office this weekend.  HUGE.  Go see it.  (Unless you live in LA, then go see that AND A FOUR LETTER WORD.)

Cause what happens is Monday morning everyone sees what was the big movie over the weekend and immediately start screaming, "get me the next PROM NIGHT!"  (Meaning a horror/ thriller).

I'm so nervous right now, I've been ready to puke all day.  It's very exciting.

I was planning on seeing PROM NIGHT tonight... but I should get to the gym instead.

And when I get back, I have to outline my new horror thriller, SOULMATE (or JOHNNY ANGEL.. haven't decided yet on a title).  Came up with it at noon today.  Gotta be ready to pitch it on MONDAY.