JOSEPH
Lives in: Nazareth
Marital Status: Engaged
ZERO STARS
I stayed at the "Inn of Bethlehem," and this place sucks donkey butt. Made a reservation months ago. Had to travel all the way from Galilee for tax season (thanks, Caesar August!) with my pregnant fiance. (No, the child isn't mine. Long story.)
When we got there, there was no room. No room at the inn. And when I asked the innkeeper where am I supposed to stay, he said, "I have a barn out back." BUT I BOOKED A DELUXE KING AND YOU'RE GIVING ME A BARN!
The barn sucked. Small room. Animals everywhere. No electricity. No heat. And then to top it all off... my pregnant virgin (that's right, I said it...) fiance goes into labor.
No hospital or doctors. She just plopped out the baby right there. So you would think at this point the innkeeper would find us like a sofa in the lobby at least, right? Nope. Nothing. We're up to our knees in afterbirth and the jerk couldn't be bothered.
I asked for a crib. "I think there's a manger around here somewhere." Because of his accent, I thought he kept saying, "I think there's a MANAGER around here" and we kept waiting for someone to show up with a crib. He literally meant a MANGER. A food trough. Like what pigs eat out of.
No blankets. We had to wrap the baby in old rags.
And this is where it gets weird. Just as we're finally about to get some sleep, these freaking shepherds show up, claiming angels told them to come find us. Telling them, "follow a star and look for a baby in swaddling clothes." Right. One of them was this kid with a drum. "I don't have any other gift" he kept saying and I was all, "we just had a baby, Travis Barker! Knock it off!" Don't have a gift? How about making a lamb entree and bringing it up in here cause THIS PLACE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ROOM SERVICE!
In closing, I would not recommend the Inn of Bethlehem to anyone. I can't believe how disrespected we were. And my kid is going to be a king one day, yo.
Great location. Terrible service. Valet is $40 a day (for a donkey!). No breakfast included. No coffee pot in room. No pool.
