Looking Ahead

I think I'm part vampire.

I work best at night.  I can get more done between the hours of 10 and 2 than I can working all day long.

I woke up this morning and after having breakfast, I had to do some work on the documentary (paperwork from home).  After that was done I pretty much did nothing else for the rest of the day.  I got dressed to go hiking, but ended up watching television.

I'm in that "stuck" stage right now.  The documentary is winding down.  I don't have many more days on it.  I need to be looking for a new job, but it's really rather foolish to look for one RIGHT NOW, because in two weeks, I have another round of chemo and that pretty much blows that week.  And in LA, you basically apply for the job and get it within a few days.  No one posts, "looking to hire someone in Feb" on January 6th.

Fortunately, I do have some money saved that covers for me now.  And I do still have work on the documentary.  I'm frustrated to have not heard back from the AIDS Marathon job which seemed like a given that I was getting a second interview.  However, no one has been hired.

And I'm really starting to wonder (which I hate even putting it out there) is writing something I even care about any more.  I've been killing myself for three years and for what?  Thanks to the bills, I have to practical.  I can't have another year like last year where I was unemployed for six months and having to find small gigs to piece together JUST TO SURVIVE.

But then I have no idea what I would do.  That's why the AIDS Marathon job was so perfect for me.  Alas.  Whatever.

I've been working on the rewrite of a script for a producer who is trying to get funding for the project.  That has been challenging.  It's her idea, so I'm writing a hundred pages of someone else's idea.  I wrote the first draft in a month (while recovering from surgery).  I did a rewrite after chemo (and there is such thing as chemo brain, where you can't concentrate and lose focus on everything you do).

This is a project that for me is "a risk" because I'm not getting paid upfront for work.  I'm doing it with the good faith that once the money comes through, I'll receive some compensation.  But I adore the producer and her film last year was one of the best films of the year. 

But now I'm doing another revision based on a second round of notes and the task is daunting.  The script needs to get done ASAP to get out to talent and directors and I'm still dealing with chemo brain, which doesn't help.

And I have a pilot that I want to do with Kathy (we came up with the missing pieces of the story while I was getting chemo at the hospital) and I need to turn THE BODY FARM into a feature (the pilot I pitched with Sean Hayes' company all of last year).

But I find myself constantly asking myself, do you really even care anymore?