A month from today I will hopefully still be alive and fast asleep inside of a tent, celebrating the fact that the first day of the Lifecycle is done.
With six more to go.
Tonight I took a spin class at Gold's. Not sure why. I had planned to go to the free Easton's class. Then Lisa sent me a message she was doing one at Bally's. But nay. I decided to opt for the class I would spend six bucks to take.
With a Nazi from hell.
I can honestly say, beyond the shadow of any doubt, I have now had the WORST spin instructor EVER. Ever ever.
And I've had some doozies. There was the guy who got us lost on his "trip," and I wanted to lead a class mutiny (little did I know he would end up being one of my favorites). There was "Bob," the Asian man who tried to kill me. Of course Tori at Easton's, who likes to increase the pressure on your bike.
You may know him. A few seasons ago he was on THE AMAZING RACE. His name is Adam and at the time he was in a relationship with Rebecca (who is now pretending to not be a lesbian anymore on WORK OUT.) All the other couples hated them. They called them "the little ones." (Because they are both the size of hobbits. Really fit hobbits.) He had those two little devil horn braids on the top of his head. He cried a lot.
Let me explain some spin physics for you. A body that is five feet tall can bend over a seat one inch off the seat at 90 degrees and hover just above the handle bars. I mean, their legs are shorter and thus, sticking your ass back just sort of is a resting position.
It is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT for body that is six feet and two inches to do this maneuver. FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF.
There were no intervals. No slower then faster. It was ALL hunched, ass back, chest down fast for AN HOUR AND A HALF. AND THE CLASS IS AN HOUR LONG.
And I hated his music.
But the real reason? This little frakker YELLED at ME the entire class. "You! You're right in front of me dude! Are you teaching the class or me?! LEFT, RIGHT! NO! LEFT, RIGHT! COME ON! (for those that don't know, it really doesn't make a damn bit of difference if you are on your left or right because you are SPINNING. Besides you little elf, is it MY left or YOUR left!?)
It didn't end there. He was constantly screaming for my ass to get back and for me to go lower. You've seen pictures of my bike. THERE IS A REASON it's a hybrid.
He screamed at me because of my hand placement. My head placement. I was looking down. OH and we weren't allowed to drink water until he said so. Repeat. We weren't allowed to DRINK WATER until he said so.
He's a punk ass little bitch boy.
I wanted to punch this gnome clear across Santa Monica Blvd. I just walked out of the class when it was over and he condescendingly squawked, "BYE!? BYE!? Hello!? BYE!"
I turned around and flipped him off. With both hands. And my ass back.