Day from Hell

By the time you read this, I will hopefully be in a Tylenol PM induced coma.

I HAD THE DAY FROM HELL!!!!!!!

It's hot here in LA.  And I'm sick.  And on hot days, I go see movies and sit in an airconditioned theater.  The Century City AMC was my location of choice because the tickets are cheaper and they don't charge for parking.

I saw IRON MAN.

After the movie, I went to my car.  Started it.  Pulled out of the parking spot.  Rounded the corner and the car stopped moving.  I went to restart it and it screeched at me.  The battery was fine, but it wasn't catching. 

A car pulled behind me.  I did the universal sign for "go around, car dead" and the asshole just sat there.  So I did it again, thinking he didn't see me.  So I did the slice across the throat sign.  Nothing.  It's like, dude, I got bigger problems than trying to communicate with you that this car isn't moving!

So he honked.

Which was the wrong thing to do.  Don't make me angry.  You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.  SO I got out, went to his car and screamed, "THE CAR IS DEAD!  GO AROUND ME, MORON!"

A nice old man came over and asked what the problem was.  I explained, dead car.  He helped me push it so it was almost kind of in a parking spot.

I tried it again.  Same screech.

Now keep in mind.  I'm on the BOTTOM LEVEL of a PARKING GARAGE.

So I had to go up and outside to call my insurance company.  They ran me through the half dozen security questions and asked me what was wrong.  I told them.  I explained I needed a tow truck, "but it needs to be one that can clear six feet seven inches."  (Stop me if you think you know where this story is going.)

So they find a tow truck company that will be there in 40-60 minutes.  I asked a garage attendant where is the best place for a truck to enter and they said from Santa Monica Blvd.

I called back and told the truck people, "I'm wearing a grey t-shirt and I'll be on the corner."

AN HOUR AND A HALF later I called back and they said the truck would be there in five minutes.

At this point, I notice I only have one little bar on battery strength.

A HALF HOUR LATER I called and asked, "where is this (frakking) truck coming from?!  Sacremento!?"  It should be there any minute now.

Two hours after I called, the truck arrives and surprise, surprise... it can't fit.  They sent a truck too big.  And the company doesn't have a smaller truck.

At this point, it's cold.  (Hard to believe that hours earlier it was hotter than hell.)  I call my insurance company and berate them for not listening to the clearance requirement and I NEED A NEW TRUCK.

An hour later I call back, "what's going on?"  "Well Mr. Chadwick, I've called fifty (5-0) companies and none of them seem to have a truck that can fit.  How would you like for me to proceed?"

"Well, I'm (frakked) so keep trying."  And my battery begins beeping "low battery."

(And everytime I call the insurance company, they ask me THE SAME DAMNED QUESTIONS before they can get to my issue.)

So he locate a company that is not covered by my insurance and they take cash and it's $95.  Not remembering how much cash I had in my account (get paid on Monday) I said, "no dice.  Keep trying."

"Okay, well if you find the cash, call me back and I'll call them."

"Sure thing.  I'll just walk over to the Crown Plaza and see if anyone wants to buy me for the night.  KEEP TRYING!"

It is now TWO HOURS after the last truck has left.  Oh, did I mention I'm sick?

I go to the ATM and magically have $100 in my account.  I withdraw all of it and call them back. 

NOW the guy can't be found.  And my cell is beeping at me.

So I go in search of a pay phone - OF WHICH ALL HAVE BEEN REMOVED - finally finding one across the street.

By this time, they have a company that insurance will cover and be there in 30 minutes.

The truck arrives.  He hitches it and away we go.

He tows it to the dealership in Culver City.  The insurance company told me there is a rental car place right around the corner, so I say goodbye and walk to the rental place.

Which is closed.

So I call my insurance company.  All rental places are closed.  "How close are you to the airport?"

So I start walking.  I walked for a little over an hour in search of a cab, at which point I screamed at whoever was listening (or not, as the day has proven) upstairs, "GIVE ME A (FRAKKING) CAB NOW!"

I spun around and saw a cab heading right at me.  And the one thing Chris Beckman taught me how to do, was a hail a cab.  Though, this was more of a "leap in front of a moving vehicle" move.

Twenty five bucks later, we arrive at Enterprise.  I go to the door.  And it's locked.  They closed five minutes earlier.

SO I go to Dollar Rent a Car.  For the bargain price of $50 a day, I can rent a car.  Oh, and $30 in taxes.  At this point, I had Moe on the phone who was ready to come get me, but I just wanted to get home.  NOW.  I figured, rent it one day and figure something cheaper tomorrow.

"And can I return the car to any Dollar Rent a Car?"  (Meaning the one close to my house).

No.  But I can return it to the location in Las Vegas or Palm Springs.  (And it was said bitchily.)  To which I responded: "OH, good.  Then I'll do that.  I'll return the car in Las Vegas."

"You will?" she asked.

"Do you honestly think I'm going to rent a car here and drive it to (frakking) Vegas to return!?  I just told you I live in Glendale!"  I wanted to climb across the counter and eat her face.

They were all less than helpful.  I finally got the car and let.  And sat in traffic for an hour through downtown.

I'm home.  I have a massive headache and I have no idea what's going to happen next.  Toyota isn't open tomorrow.  And it's most probably the timing belt.  Which sounds cheap.  (He says sarcastically.)

I'm going to have to rob a bank.